CJDaily's Blog

August 31, 2010

The Walrus Hunt.

Filed under: Uncategorized — cjdaily @ 9:40 pm

I finally have it.  Incontrovertible proof that my 2-year-old is trying to drive me insane.  Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I give you Exhibit A:  The Walrus.

There is a stuffed animal, a battered pink walrus less than a foot high that is the most recent recipient of Annabelle’s unswerving love and devotion.  (Until she finds a new animal to drag everywhere for a few months.)  This walrus is named Walri.  Or possibly Walry.  He hasn’t told me how he prefers it.  But he belonged to my sister when she was young, and let me just inform you now that she was in possession of several other stuffed animals named Beary, Sealy, Lamby, etc.  Inspired, I know.  Who would have thought this child with such a desperate lack of imagination would go on to hold a degree in medicine?  I can tease her only because she’s now making six-figures while I’m pecking away at my computer, raving about pink walruses. 

Anyway.  Belle likes Walri.  (I prefer the spelling with an “i”, like the French spelling of Henri.  Perhaps the walrus is French as well, which would explain why he is so damn difficult.)  And consequently, she wants to sleep with Walri in her bed at night.  But since she also insists on having him everywhere else as well (attending her bathtime, watching her eat breakfast, etc.) he is never in the same place.  And every night for the past 2 weeks, just as I am tucking her in with her former and now demoted best friends, she imperiously demands the walrus.  She is surrounded by animals and dolls that she will not let me remove from the bed, yet who are no longer A-list friends.  Therefore her bed is starting to look like the Island of Misfit Toys, including 3 different bears, 4 Barbie dolls, an elephant, an owl, a pig, and a baby-doll.  Yet she will not let me close the door and leave until I have tucked Walri in beside her.

Which leads to my nightly exercise, The Walrus Hunt.  I check under her bed, the perimeters of her room, leave her room and do sweeps of the surrounding rooms, then gallop down the stairs and starts tossing sofa cushions about and cursing the tiny walrus’ existence.  He has never, and I mean never been in the same place twice.  I simply don’t know how she does it.  She carries him around all evening and then half an hour before bed she stashes him someplace new.  Yesterday he was under her step-stool in the bathroom.  The night before that he was under the living room couch.  He’s been found under the kitchen table, on the dresser, in desk drawers, and up lamp-shades. 

There have been several times I’ve told myself, through clenched teeth, that I was going to install a GPS in the walrus, but that would probably be the quickest way for Belle to lose interest in him, and move on to another toy without satellite coverage.

But tonight, my friends, I got smart.  Oh how smart I was!  While Belle was saying goodnight to her Boppies (grandparents) I seemed to recall seeing Walri in the den an hour beforehand.  I went and gave the room a good search, and lo and behold!  I found him tucked under a blanket on the futon!  So I chucked him in Belle’s bed, feeling pretty satisfied that for the first time in 2 weeks I would not have to do a walrus hunt before bed.  I thought Belle would appreciate me being able to hand her her friend the minute she asked for him, but when she made the familiar request and I immediately pulled him out from under her blanket, her eyes widened like I’d handed her a rattlesnake.

“Nooooo!” she howled!  “Go GET him!”

Aha!  AHA!!!  Proof, my friends, that my child really wants me to lose my mind hunting in vain for a pink tusked animal!  I was so shocked at her devious plan that I openly choked on my indignation. 

“I am not hunting for somebody I am holding in my hand!”

“Noooooo!  Go geeeeeeeeeeeeet him!”

“Oh heck no, you’ve got to be kidding me!  Take him or I take him away and sleep with him myself!”

Well that stopped her like I’d hit a mute button.  Sweetly she reached up, took her walrus, snugged him against her, and closed her eyes.  I kissed her goodnight and retreated, shutting the door behind me. 

Tomorrow I’m hiding the walrus myself.  In the oven.

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3 Comments »

  1. I think this is going on my all-time favorites list.

    Comment by John — September 10, 2010 @ 6:12 pm | Reply

  2. hahaha. i loved this!

    Comment by Sean Carney — September 17, 2010 @ 9:09 am | Reply

  3. Absolutely hilarious, I can completely sympathize with your pain here, same story different stuffed animal (in my case it’s a giraffe named gerry who changes back and forth between a boy and a girl on the regular). You are a great writer, I can envision every scenario and am actually laughing out loud at my computer. 🙂

    Comment by thewritewaytoact — October 5, 2010 @ 2:54 am | Reply


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