CJDaily's Blog

June 13, 2009

And life is like a song…

Filed under: Uncategorized — cjdaily @ 8:17 pm

It’s funny, someone sent me a message recently saying my blog sounded cynical.  I was genuinely surprised, since, aside from hating on the Wiggles (Captain Feathersword in particular) most of my blogs are simply about my life from day to day, and things I find funny.

The blog I just wrote about the Jordin Sparks song, Battlefield, deserved, I think, the serious brow-beating it received, as it A. sucks, and B. is a giant rip-off of a famous (good) song.  But the funny thing was, as I was listening to it on my way home, after getting over the shock of it’s truly awful-ness, I was thinking how grateful I am that my life isn’t like that.  I remember so well being in awful relationships, one in particular, where it sucks but you think you’re happy, you think life won’t get better than what you have.  You start to think it’s YOUR fault that the other person doesn’t treat you with respect, and never consider that you deserve so much more. 

While listening to that song I was so grateful that the love I have is genuine, respectful, fun, and most of all, drama-free.  Jesse never once played games with me, never came on hot and cold, didn’t commit too soon, but didn’t leave me hanging.  He made sure we took the perfect amount of time to decide if this was as serious as we thought we were, and when I told him I had certain boundaries I needed to keep, he never once tried to push them. 

He took Annabelle in stride right along with me, and saw us from the beginning as a shared package.  He never, ever said, “Why don’t you leave her home so we can have time together?”  He never resented her presence but took for granted that my life was intertwined with hers.  In fact he was the one saying, “Bring her along!” the times I suggested a babysitter on our days together.  Somone who’s never been a parent cannot imagine the amount of stress a child puts on your life, in big and little ways, but he has embraced it with a selflessness I never dared anticipate.  He has been my rock in every way possible, even during the times I was reluctant to lean on him, sure he would run once he saw the real side of parenting.  But he has never faltered, always been honest with me, and always treated me with the most scrupulous respect a girl could ever possibly hope for. 

He is the guy who will change a poopy diaper just because he smelled it and not because he was asked.  He will get up in the middle of the night to check on Belle without even considering getting me up to do it.  He will wipe her runny nose, make her laugh when she’s grumpy, and patiently wait out her worst tantrums.  He always says, “Sit down, I’ll do it, you do it all week.”  He is the guy who puts me first.  He is the guy who gives my daughter unconditional love, because he loves me.  He loves us both.  He GETS me–there is no facade, no pretense, never a need to be anything other than myself. 

I never never been happier.  I have never been this content.  I used to think that drama meant passion, that arguments and tears were inescapable, and to an extent, they can be.  But no one who loves you will willingly make you cry, or let you hurt.  Jesse is everything I ever needed, without ever knowing it.  I am so blessed to know him.  I am so blessed to know his love.

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