CJDaily's Blog

June 11, 2009

Words and lyrics…

Filed under: Uncategorized — cjdaily @ 5:17 pm

I had a lot of things to talk about but it’s all been turned to liquid sloshing around in my brain thanks to the insipid drivel the Wiggles are singing about right now…

“Walking along, Singing a song, Ring-a-ring-rong, Bing-a-bing-bong…”  REALLY?  YOU RAN OUT OF RHYMES THAT FAST?!

While I AM impressed that they made “bong” rhyme with the other words, the fact that they arbitrarily switched over to nonsense crap after only 5 decipherable words makes me think they should have their songwriters liscence taken away.  I mean, I could write the kind of crap they spew out.  And while I don’t hold anything against the four Wiggles themselves, (those poor Australians have to make a living somehow) I think Captain Feathersword should be drawn and quartered.  I have never encountered, whether in real life or on tv, a more intensely, blatantly, obnoxiously annoying character. 

ANYWAY… (whew, deep breath) enough about that.  I heard a song on the radio on the way home, and I was so flabbergasted when I heard the chorus that I actually sat there at the stop sign, not going on, though my way was clear.  With one ear cocked in the air like Lassie sensing danger at the old mill, I sat dumbfounded as this song, which I assume is a new release, blatantly called love a BATTLEFIELD.  Um, really?  Love being compared to a battlefield?  So, what you’re saying is, LOVE is a BATTLEFIELD?!  Gosh.  I’ve never heard it put that way before.  Except… oh wait, let me think… this little-known song in the 80’s may have phrased it similarily…

I sat there in a total stupor, wondering if it was a really bad cover of the Benetar song, or if it was at least being sung with a sense of irony, but no.  NO.  I actually heard the lyrics:

“I don’t want love to feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield, Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?”  (And the next line, I’m not even making this up…)  “Better get your armor on.”

ARMOR!  Love is a battlefield, full of booming cannons and musketfire, if you have a Civil War kind of love, or perhaps a rougher Braveheart kind of love full of guys in skirts swinging broadswords at your head and dousing you in pitch and setting you on fire!  LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD.  My dear sweet baby Jesus, what were this girls producers THINKING?  Surely not, “Hey let’s rip off one of the most widely recognized songs of all time, using the key metaphor as our chorus like we thought it up all by ourselves, and then make it laughable and crappy!” 

Not only that, but both songs talk about being tied up… Pat says she’s “Trapped by your love and chained to your side,” and Jordin Sparks (who is the singer behind this new atrocity) claims “Both hands tied behind my back with nothing.”  With nothing?  A rip-off, and yet doesn’t even make sense. 

Now, frankly, if I were in a relationship that resembled a battlefield, I’d run the hell in the other way, dodging bullets right out the front door.  But if you listen to Jordin Sparks, she advises you that when your man picks up that mace and aims for your cerebellum, you put on some armor and ENGAGE IN COMBAT!  Grab your kilt and GOUGE HIS EYES OUT!  Man left the damn seat up again?  GRAB YOUR CROSSBOW!

Of course, this is from the same girl whose last song claimed she couldn’t breathe, because there was no air.  NO AIR, AIR.  NO AIR, AIR.  Obviously, she’s got a lot of problems, what with the no breathing and the domestic violence.  We shouldn’t be too hard on her.  She probably doesn’t write those songs herself. 

In fact, there’s probably a troll under a bridge somewhere taking phone calls from harassed agents; “Hey, Lenny, Jordin needs a new song, maybe one about her constipation?  We’re sticking with the whole suffering theme.  Oh, and while you’re at it, The Wiggles need a new hit…”


1 Comment »

  1. Great post!

    Comment by flash-player — July 7, 2009 @ 2:16 pm | Reply

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